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Conspicuous consumption is good for America!

You haven’t been affected by the recession. You may have even made a fortune shorting the damn thing. You still have plenty of dough. Lucky you. Now step up to the plate and do the right thing, the patriotic thing.

Spend, damn it, spend. Not a little mind you, but spend like a sailor on speed. Spend irresponsibly, tip extravagantly, flaunt it! Buy a pimped out Hummer (just keep it in the garage though, we don’t want you burning all that gas.) Buy a second home, a third one, a fifth one. Start combing your hair like Donald Trump. Buy Donald Trump! (Supposedly he’s going through his own money problems so you could probably pick him up cheap). Buy all the shoes at Henri Bendel. Eat at Masa every day for a year. Bail out California. Go from Tall lattes to Grande. Put another topping on your pizza. Spend, spend, spend.

I promise the less rich won’t be jealous. We’ll be grateful. We’ll look up to your extravagance. You’ll be our new heroes. The 21st Century’s version of Tom Joad. We know conspicuous consumption might seem a little silly nowadays, but we’ll make an exception in your case. Conspicuous consumption looks good on you.

Hoarding your cash is adding to the problem. And the last thing you want is for your kids to call you a capitalist hoarder. You uber rich can help us get out of this economic mire. You really can, so get going.

So spend baby, spend!

For a related article by Daniel Gross check out, http://www.slate.com/id/2182353/

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